Dear Mr. President,

Go cut up some carrots. Hell, go get some broccoli, green beans, and cauliflower too if you fancy them because this just does not steam my carrots. No, this is a whole steaming vegetable medley. President Barack Obama has finally done it, he managed to get me cussing up a storm before I even got my morning shower. No, he did not ban off-shore drilling again. No, he did not withdraw all the troops we have overseas. No, he did not doing something that would have Rush Limbaugh’s tighty-whities in a bunch. In fact he did nothing that would even remotely piss off the Republican party. So now most people (those of you who were lucky to read my early more Facebook update excluded) are wondering what on Earth one of Richard “Crazy Right Wing Fanatic” Bowers’ least favorite people did if the entire Republican party isn’t up in arms with me against this.

Barack Obama has told the EPA that their new ambient ozone standards are too strict, and “need to be ‘reconsidered’.”

But Richard wait. You have written angry tirade after angry tirade about how the EPA needs to be restructured, redesigned, or dismantled entirely”. Why on Earth would Obama pretty much agreeing with you be something that “steams your carrots”?

Every damn polling agency, every damn day seem to come out with some new poll that put Obama’s performance rating lower and lower. I think that last one had something like Gaddafi had the margin of error above Obama in job performance. About the only people Obama still had were environmentalists and those welfare recipients that still think Obama is going to pay their mortgage and give them some of that “Obama stash” money. So here comes big powerful Obama, taking one look at the EPA proposed standards, and going “FUCK THIS SHIT” this might kill two whole jobs somewhere, or negatively affect the economy. Yes Mr. President, it’s THIS RIGHT HERE that is going to kill the economy once and for all. No, the past three years of you sitting around blaming everyone else while your wife goes to France to shop and stops in London on her way home for fish and chips that was keeping the economy afloat. No the fact that Frannie Mae and Freddie Mac are still run by the government and have not been held accountable for any part of the crisis. No, it’s the EPA doing its damn job by proposing guidelines that lay out standards with the best possible science available that will push the economy to the point where you can’t blame Bush, or Katrina, or earthquakes, or MY LITTLE FUCKING PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC for the economy being shit.

When you build a campaign that has never ended, and you talk about how important the environment is putting large sums of money into solar panel companies that go bankrupt a year later and then you go actually right now I do not want these new guidelines, guess what? SUCK IT THE FUCK UP! Being the president of (formerly) the most powerful country on the face of the damn planet, hell (as far as scientifically we know) the damn universe is hard. If you are not up for the job step down, let a real man (or woman) do the damn job and you can go make money writing books that idiots will read and your annoying ass wife can take the place of another annoying ass bitch, Oprah, and then you all can live whatever expensive lifestyle not on the tax payer dollar. The government has a lot of agencies and none of their agendas and incentives really line up, but they all have guidelines and doctrines which guide what the can and cannot do and how they do these things. Just because you do not like something, does not mean that you can just say no to this. The Clean Air Act of 1970 (the guiding document for these ozone standards) has been upheld by the courts unanimously. Scalia even agreed. So do not send Cass Sunstien to give EPA Administrator Jackson some bullshit ultimatum to “reconsider” the standards. You are pretty much telling her to do what they hell you want or resign, and if she disobeys the order you’ll remove her. She did her job and proposed the standard with the best possible science regardless of economic considerations. Now do your job to figure out how to make these new standards work into your new image of the world that you are going to give us in a speech tonight, that I’m still pretty sure you will be working on until the actual speech. Please be on time tonight Mr. President, tardiness will only be another mark against you. Even if Administrator Jackson can be so easily removed, I hope which ever candidate from whichever party enjoys the sweet taste of crushing you in the 2012 election, and when that time comes Mr. President don’t cry on camera, it’s really unbecoming.